Fairy Tales Are Made of This

The last several days, John has been scared to go to the bathroom by himself.  Today, he told us why.  There's a small four foot high door in there.  John thinks that bad midgets hide in there and come out to do mean things to you.  Jess explained that they'd have a hard time renting this place to anyone else if bad midgets hit us in the shin with the door every time we were in the bathroom.  Bad midgets make for good fairy tales.  So do castles.

Neuschwanstein & Hohenschwangau today - the pictures are worth more than words.

Hohenschwangau - not good enough for King Ludwig II

Hohenschwangau from another vantage point - still not good enough

Neuschwanstein up close - good enough, but never finished

That'll do, you crazy king - crazy like a cat

Won't You Be My Beamer?

After a fantastic picnic in Olympic Park (site of the 1972 Olympics, of which there are a few stories), we went over to the BMW Welt & Museum.  A really quite inspiring place, it makes you want to work really hard to buy not just one, but several of their cars.

A hot day in Munich, it was followed by a trip to Andechs Monestary, where monks have been brewing beer for over 550 years.  They've just about got it down...

Where the magic happens

Magic salami sandwich in Olympic Park

Magic that happened about 7 decades ago

Magic pretzel

The best beer in the world, Andech's Doppelbock Dunkel - half a litre of magic

Rock Me, Amadeus

The house we're renting in is three stories.  We're on the top level, and below us is a 90 year old couple.  Like all 90 year old couples we've ever known, they like their TV really loud.  Last night, they were watching a show with pounding techno music after 10 pm - not like 90 year olds in America.  We were tired and wanted to go to bed and their rave was just getting started.  I was ready to turn on our TV to see if I could find what they were watching when at 10:30, the music ended and it was dead quiet.

The sound of music so late at night inspired a trip to Salzburg, Austria today...home of some of the very cheesy Sound of Music locations.  It's also where Mozart was born and lived when he wasn't traveling.

Sixteen going on seventeen...very cheesy

Mozart lived here...his name wasn't on the wall back then

On the way to Austria, we learned that just across the border everyone goes completely crazy on the road. Things started with an insurance salesman in a BMW, which is a dangerous combination in any country.  One lane was closed for construction, and Mr. Allianz was stuck behind another car in the closing lane and holding down his horn as if that would magically part the roadway for him.  It didn't work.  Then, when he abruptly cut us off, Jess responded in kind by holding down our horn and yelling "How do you like that, Mr. Allianz!"  He didn't like it very much, but driving fast and beeping is very successful in Europe.

Also got stuck on another one way road, but thankfully not going the wrong way.  This time it was packed with cars parked all along the sidewalk and the road was blocked with construction.  The only thing to do was to back out of it with a full inch of room on either side and an angry Austrian waiting for us to get out of the way.  Rick Steves says that Mozart didn't drive in Salzburg and neither should you...right on that one.

Tiny one-way, closed roads are all the rage in Salzburg

Mountains, lakes, and trick fountains at Hellbrunn Palace rounded out our visit to country #5.

Chiemsee - I learned to be careful taking pictures of boats in Europe, you might see more than you want to

Alps - no naked people up there (that we could see)

I was smart enough not to take my camera to Hellbrunn.  Take a look at Die Wasserspiele pictures and you'll see why.

Stupid Danke

We've been going at a pretty brisk pace so far, with several major sites just about every day of our trip.  After the 6 hour drive from Berlin to the Munich area (with a stop in Nürnberg), we decided to take a break.

We're staying in Diessen, which is just outside of Munich, and is a great little town on the lake.  Bavaria is home to some of the best food and beer in Germany so last night, we went out to dinner and ate with the locals at a great Bierhall.  When we choose a booth in the corner, John noticed a cat sleeping at one of the seats - turns out, there would have been a use for that cat toy after all.  Being that the cat spoke German, we don't know much about it.

Hops growing along the motorway

Today was spent doing laundry, buying groceries for the week, and playing Monopoly.  Daniel, in his very first Monopoly outing, showed some early promise as a tycoon.  Our Monopoly set is very old and in German - so the money is in Deutsche Marks and properties include Parkstrasse and Opernplatz.  When one plays Monopoly in Germany, it is preferable to speak as much German as possible.  Every time someone said "Danke" to Daniel, he laughed, shook his head and said "Stupid Danke."

The site of Daniel's domination.  Note: a green Trabant has joined his car collection

Our cows, being lazy too

This lazy day also included drinking more beer on the deck while reading a book and keeping an eye on our cows.  Being that the cows speak German, we don't know much about them.

Who's That Knocking At the Door?

Wittenberg is about 2 hours drive outside of Berlin.  We almost didn't realize that, but an evening of browsing online last night led to an amazing day.  It's a good thing we planned so much of this ahead of time...

Our dear friend Rick Steves left this city out of his guide book completely.  Our ever-so helpful GPS, Ken, also had no idea what we were talking about until we realized that the city changed its name to Lutherstadt Wittenberg, and was quite particular that we got the name perfect.  Ken also didn't know that some of the roads were closed, which made the drive much longer.

A few historical things happened in Wittenberg.  It was part of East Germany after the war, and was under Soviet control.  It was spared bombing during World War II.  A great pizzeria was built there in the late 20th Century.  Oh yeah, and Martin Luther lived there and changed the world with a few nails and some writing.

Martin Luther's pulpit

His living room, where a few table talks were held

Luther's church

Where it all went down...right behind that plywood

Funny that they must not have known we were coming today, because construction covered the famous door where the 95 Theses were nailed.  Travel thousands of miles to see a little bit of history and we get that picture.  Now Daniel and John think that the Reformation started behind some tractors and construction fence.

Fist bump with my man Marty

There weren't even any Sin Boldly T-Shirts or Martin Luther Bobble Heads in the gift shop.

On a Wim

One of my favorite directors is Wim Wenders and one of my favorite movies is Wings of Desire.  It's as much about Berlin as it's about two angels Damiel and Cassiel.  It has Peter Falk in it, which should be enough for everyone to run out and watch it.  Damiel falls in love and longs to be human.  Oddly enough, that name is in the graffiti on the gate to our apartment.  There are a couple of key scenes that I thought were worth a visit.

The Victory Column, otherwise known as the chick on a stick, is on the cover of the American poster.  There are over 200 stairs to get to the top.  I know because the sign said so...and John counted every one of them.  Daniel also counted them, but he gets kind of stuck once he gets past 10.  It was "16...19...16...19..."   The view of the city is pretty amazing up there, but can be kind of awkward if you look up.

Sony Center

It's pretty high, so don't look down...oh, and don't look up

The library scene is another.  It's beautifully shot in the beautiful reading room of the State Library.  How hard can it be to swing by a library and snap a couple of pictures?  It all seemed so easy until we drove by and the entire front of the building was under construction and blocked off.  As usual, parking was also a mess.  Finally, we found a spot, and I ran in to try to take a quick look.  I made my way through all of the construction to the front door where it said all my belongings needed to be locked up and I need to buy a library pass to get access to the reading room.  There were a lot of signs in small type and only in German and a large, intimidating door behind which sat an angry looking library worker.  This suddenly didn't seem so easy.

As close as I could get

So you'll just have to watch for yourself to see how cool it could have been...

I also found Wim's address, although that would have been a little creepy and weird to go by his house.  Plus, the parking is probably really bad.

Naked U-Turns

Having a car seemed like a great idea, until we had to try and find a place to park it in Berlin.  Getting over the Berlin Wall was easier than trying to find a place to park the car.  U-turns, sometimes 6 in a row, have become common.  Ken often asks us to make U-turns as well, which the boys think sounds like “naked U-turns” because of his Australian accent.  It’s possible that being naked during our U-turns would help us get an open parking space.

In spite of parking challenges, we’ve seen a lot in Berlin already.

A break in the wall

Berlin Cathedral, where we attended worship service on Sunday

Gate of Ishtar from Babylon

TV Tower

Checkpoint Charlie (no parking, just a drive-by)

The Reichstag

Profiles in Courage - each slab represents one of the members of the Reichstag who opposed Hitler.
Most were sentenced to concentration camps.

Brandenburg Gate

Magical Mystery Tour

The Beatles got their start in Hamburg.  The Germans liked them because they played loud, were a break from the endless striptease show at the Indra Club and they had a funny name – Beatles sounds like Peedles.  The English equivalent would probably be weenie.

The Indra Club today

We had to stop by for a look.  The Indra Club is on the Reeperbahn, which is one of the seediest areas we’ve ever seen.  Homeless, drug addicts, prostitutes, strip clubs for every persuasion, and Hamburgers in funny jogging suits, it’s not really a place to stop and walk around with kids. 

Hamburger buns

There’s also one of the best Beatles museums in the world in Hamburg - supposedly better than the one in Liverpool, although we have yet to substantiate such claims.  The kids had a blast, and the only disappointment was not picking up that Hofner bass that was sitting out in the open waiting for someone to come along and snap a picture with it turned upside down…

Drooms

Sgt Pepper was recorded on one of these

After a stop in Kellinghusen for some ancestry-tourism, we needed to find our way back to Bremerhaven.  The previous day we changed our GPS voice.  Bonnie just wasn’t cut out for this.  We found Ken, a nice Australian, who makes us feel like we’re being driven around by Peter Furler.  Apparently, it’s ok to drive the wrong way down a one-way street in Australia.

To be fair to Ken, there really wasn’t a way anyone from outside Hamburg would know what’s going on with their streets.  With traffic at a complete stop, our 2 hour drive was estimated to take 4.5 hours.  Ken had a plan B.  We took it.  Then, we’re meandering through a backwoods path that only serial killers would know how to navigate.

This was supposed to be faster

Next, turn left, turn right, turn left, go straight on, turn right…why is that car flashing its lights at us and coming straight for us!?

The streets are one way at certain times of day, but really aren’t clearly marked…it could be because the time of day changes based on what day of the week it is, and the lunar cycle.  It was a complete mystery how this worked.  Not once, but twice down the wrong way.

What is this saying!?

The detour to save us 2 hours took an hour to correct and get back to the highway where we ended up in the exact spot we started, right back in traffic.  Thanks, Ken – that was magic.

Choose Wisely

We gave Bonnie a second chance to find a restaurant when we arrived in Bremerhaven.  Right on the coast of the North Sea, seafood seemed appropriate.  Bonnie found a great restaurant that was close and with ease, we followed the route…and arrived at a closed restaurant. 

After aimlessly walking around a neighboring outdoor mall, we got back in the car and gave her a third chance.  This time, we found an amazing restaurant with the best seafood we’ve ever had in our lives. 

The waiter brought out a bucket of toys for the kids to take something.  Daniel immediately chose a car.  John took a little longer to decide.  We suggested the Pick-Up-Sticks.  He dug a little deeper.  “I think I want this little stuffed animal.”  I again suggested that the Pick-Up-Sticks would be a better choice.  He chose poorly.

The stuffed animal was actually a stray cat toy that got stuck in the bucket.  It started coming apart, and looked like it was 8 lives in.  Like the grail, dirty cat toys also cannot pass beyond the great seal.  This would be the cat toy’s Last Crusade.

We’re now four for four on great places to stay.  

Home for 3 days, comes with German cartoons

We've also started a tally on how many amazing things Jess can hit her head on.  So far we've got an 800 year old castle and a German U-Boat.

Watch your step, and your head

Das Boot

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Wurst of Times

The day started with much anticipation, as today would be the day I’ve been training for – I would drink a litre of Bier and eat an enormous bratwurst.

For the last several days, everyone has been wishing us to have a happy “something-something.”  We didn’t think that it was anything important to look up what the “something-something” was in our German dictionary.  After all, if they’re wishing us to have a happy one, it must be nothing of consequence.  Turns out, “something-something” was “Feiertag,” which is holiday.  Jess knew that once…but alas, no longer.  Now we all know.

Pentecost Monday is a day when everything is closed in southern Germany, really comparable to Christmas in America…maybe in 1945.  We were going to drive to Frankfurt today, and pick up some snacks at the grocery store on the way.  The darkness inside and locked doors were the first sign something was wrong.  Equipped with a dictionary and our handy 2011 Rick Steves Guidebook, which has a calendar in the appendix, all of the pieces fit together.  But, that shouldn’t be a big deal – we were really just going to drive through Frankfurt, and maybe walk around a few places.  No problem if a few things were closed – onward!

Once we got to Frankfurt, we noticed signs that said it is an Environmental Zone.  That too, we had heard about once, but didn’t think it would be of any consequence.  The major cities require that you have a green environmental sticker on your car, which is their way of taxing carbon use.  Rick Steves’ guidebook, which has always been right thus far, says to just get them at the border or at a gas station for 5 Euros. 

Even if we were thinking about this a week ago, there was nothing at the border.  It took us about 50 miles to realize we were even in Germany – the language change on the signs gave it away.  And apparently Rick didn’t go to the two gas stations right outside Frankfurt.  They don’t sell the stickers – only the motor vehicle department sells them…and they’re closed because it’s a holiday.  And yes, the Polizei will catch you, says the grumpy gas station attendant who has never been asked such a stupid question.

No food, no Frankfurt, and gas stations seemed to be the only thing open.  Until a large McDonald’s sign lured us off the Autobahn and into the warm, fuzzy clutches of American commercialism complete with a play place so large it was called a Gym Club.  The best part was that the McRib Sandwich is a permanent part of the menu.

After an hour of running in the Gym Club like crazy monkeys and dodging German soccer balls hit with more force and precision than Pelé, we took our sweaty kids back home and watched a movie.  Then, made a dinner with all the leftover ingredients we had in the house, packed up, and called it a night and the end of our trip to Diez…wait, make that Altendiez.